Help! How Do I Deal With Imposter Syndrome?

How to share your work, loud and proud, and manage that inner beast feeding you lies.

The ultimate guide by a non-professional (and imposter - hah!).

What is Imposter Syndrome?

It is the feeling that I am not good enough.

I am not worthy. What I do is no good. Other people are so much better than me. I shouldn't bother trying. Other people will laugh at me. They are laughing at me. They think I suck. I am a laughing stock. I will fail. I am failing. I don't deserve anything.

That.

If you are a creative, then I know you feel it.

Do you want to know why I know?

Because I feel it too. All of those things, plus the added bonus of: Who am I to write about imposter syndrome? I haven't even achieved anything!

I battle with it so much that I should name it 'Cindy' and reserve it a seat at public events. That would totally work because it makes me want to distance myself and hide away the things I do because I feel like I'm not good enough. So, the empty chair space between me and the next person would totally help it win.

Now, let me tell you something that might just blow your mind:

You are not alone

I'm pretty sure that the only person on the face of the planet who doesn't have imposter syndrome, is Donald Trump, and nobody wants to be that guy, right?! (ooh yeah, I went there!)

Okay, jokes aside, let me give you some hot tips.

These tips will not stop you from feeling imposter syndrome, but, what they might help you do is feel the feelings and do your thing anyway.

So, without further ado, here are

10 tips to help you navigate Imposter Syndrome:

1. Stop comparing yourself

It is so easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other people.

Stop it. Close the Facebook page, and walk away from the screen.

There will always be people who are better than you, and there will always be people who are worse, but we are all different and there is space for us all.

2. Use your support people.

Talk to people who care about what you are feeling and who want you to succeed.

Allow them to help you feel good about yourself and what you do. Let them encourage you.

3. Remind yourself of your wins and celebrate them as they happen

No matter how small. Celebrate that you have started or completed something. Celebrate that sale or the good feedback you got.

Don't forget that you are getting better.

Every time you do what you do, you are learning, growing, and improving. Go you!

4. Ignore the haters (including yourself)

Block. Delete. Hang up. Distract. Change the subject. Whatever it takes.

Now, there is a difference between constructive criticism and hate. Pull from it what you can use, and ignore the rest.

"My four-year-old could write a better story than you." = Hate.

"The dialogue was clunky and unbelievable." = Useful. Painful, yes, but use it to learn and grow.

I made these quotes up, but my time is coming. That, I know.

You suck. This sucks. You're just embarrassing yourself.

Nope. Wrong. Don't go there. Distract yourself, reinspire yourself, rest, talk it out, but don't let yourself stay there.

5. Don't aim for perfect

There is no such thing and you will always fall short.

The best you can do is your best.

6. Take a break

Remind yourself of the other important shit you have going on in your life: kids, house, partner, job, friends, sports, etc. These things matter. This thing that you do that is giving you imposter syndrome is only part of your story.

7. Catastrophise

Okay, a strange strategy here, but it can help me put things into perspective, so it might help you too.

Think worst case scenario. What is the worst thing that could happen? People will laugh at you? You'll look stupid? You'll trip over? And how long will the fallout from that last? A week? A month? So, you write a shitty book that people think is crap. Fine. Who cares? Will people stop talking to you or stop being your friend? They'd be no loss if they did! Nobody buys your paintings? Oh well, it isn't about the selling, it's about the painting, which you did, because you are a creative and you need a creative outlet, and you are a better person for allowing your creativity to flow.

It is about the process. Be creative because you want and need to be creative, because you are a creative. Not everybody is going to vibe with what you do, and that is okay.

8. No pain, no gain

If it doesn't hurt, you're not growing, right? That's what people say, anyway.

Many amazing creatives have felt the same feelings. Use those feelings to drive you.

In the words of My Chemical Romance: 'Thank you for the venom'

9. Put a time limit on it

When it gets to be too much and you can't overpower the imposter syndrome, stop trying to. Put a time limit on it.

Let yourself feel the feelings. Let yourself feel shit. Give yourself rest, space, and time from your creative thing, if you need it. Allow yourself to feel that way for the next hour, or day, then get up in the morning, shove that F***er in a box, and do your thang.

10. Feel the fear and do it anyway

Do it scared and full of doubt. F**k imposter syndrome. Don't let it win. Be creative. Do shit art. You are a creative goddess and you are freaking brave and awesome for letting that creativity out of you and holding it up to the light. You rock!

Out of the billions of people on this incredible planet, there are absolutely, most definitely, WITHOUT A DOUBT, many, many people who will totally love whatever it is that you do. Not only that, but they need it. It will help them. And you doing your thing will help other people feel okay about doing their thing. Ignore the imposter syndrome and do the thing FOR THESE PEOPLE. Stop being selfish. Forget about you. Not everything is about you, Karen! (lol oops, sorry to the 75 Karens that I know. Don't hate me. I love you.) Allow me to correct myself: Not everything is about you, MARLEY!

Read the book that I wrote, and continue to promote, with imposter syndrome by my side:

The Silver Sheep - Available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.

Much love.

Marley x

How Do I Get All The Things Done?

That is the million-dollar question, right? How do I manage to read and write books, work part-time, and raise 5 little humans? Read on, and this blog post may help you get all your things done too!

Okay, full disclaimer here, because I feel like a total imposter; I was asked to write on this topic, but...

I don't have any secrets.

Come to my house on the right day and you'll see me in a heap on the floor just like anyone else. Possibly crying. Possibly eating. Probably cleaning up a spill of some sort.

I do not have it all together, and I do not have the answers. My house is a hazard, my kids hear swear words, and my prayers often sound something like: 'Lord, help me! Help me be grateful. Help me succeed. Help me be the wife and mother that I wish to be. Help me to shine your light, because I suck at all of it and I'm not finding any of it fun right now.'

Yep. The picture of me above is what I want you to think life looks like for me, but in reality, it's loud, messy, chaotic, hectic, and just downright craziness MOST OF THE TIME.

Okay, so this post probably isn't going to tell you anything that you haven't heard before. There will be no 'so that's how she does it' ah-ha moments, BUT, what I will do is pass on some of the things that I have learned from other people, that help me to do all the things whilst in the midst of the chaos. That's a key point. Don't wait for the right or perfect time.

Story time. In 2020, locked down with newborn twins, I signed up for Leonie Dawson's 40 Days to a Finished Book course and ended up with my first novella, You Are Woman. You know the main thing I remember from that course?

Leonie saying, "Just write the F***ing book." I remember her saying things like: don't think about whether it's any good, whether anyone will read it, how you will market it, whether you should research more, or clean the fridge, or whether you are good enough. Don't give yourself time or permission to get overwhelmed. "Just write the F***ing book."

Just do the thing.

Don't worry about perfect. Done is better than perfect. Don't wait for the right time. "Just write the f***ing book."

Even when you don't want to.

Just do the thing.

And that is how I do things now. I do things messy. I do things loud. I do things less than perfect. I do what I can, with what I have. I don't aim for perfect, or nothing would ever get done - or if they did, I'd never be happy with the result.

So, thanks for your wisdom, Leonie. But now it's time for a little nugget of wisdom from yours truly:

Getting better really is about getting yourself ready to hear the right thing, in the right way, at the right time.

That's why you can hear one thing from your husband and instantly discount it, then hear the same thing from your BFF or mother and be receptive to it (guilty). It's not the thing being said. It's you, and where your brain is at.

Are you getting me?

These points may not be revelational, buuuut, the key to their success (and getting all the things done) is YOU, not me, or anyone else.

Okay, I went off on a tangent before I even began, but mindset is that important. So much so, that I'm going to make it point #1

• Work on your mindset

I am definitely no self-help guru, but I freaking love self-help shit.

The right mindset ensures you know that YOU CAN DO ALL THE THINGS.

You can. Go listen to some Tony Robbins or find some affirmations to repeat, because believing you can is half the battle. Truth.

• Goal setting

What is it that you want to do? What are 'all the things', for you?

Work it out and get clear on it so you know what you want to get done every day, every week, every month, every year, and for your lifetime.

Set short and long-term goals. Write them down. Check them regularly. Cross them off. Add to the list.

I use Leonie Dawson's My Brilliant Year Workbooks. Every. Single. Year. Since I discovered them in 2016. I am an affiliate. They are great. Check them out for yourself. But if they aren't your thing, you could just nut out your own goals, write them on any old piece of paper, stick it on your wall, and look at it regularly. Yessir.

• Be okay with any amount of progress

Any progress is better than none.

Be proud that you are heading in the right direction and moving forward.

Baby steps are okay.

For me, writing 20 words on my work in progress is better than none. Win.

• Prioritising

This is a big one for me. I do all the things because I don't do all the things, hah!

My house is always messy. I can live with that.

We often eat super quick meals, like chicken tender wraps or soup and homemade bread (yay for breadmakers). I am okay with that, too.

Prioritising means working out what you need to do, but it also means working out what you are okay with not doing.

• Listening to inspirational people / Surround yourself with inspiration (and stay focussed)

This goes hand-in-hand with the first point - work on your mindset. But it doesn't mean that you need to listen to self-help gurus.

It means listening to anyone who inspires you to do the things you want to do: authors, mummy podcasters, entrepreneurs, business owners, philanthropists, whatever it is that helps you get and stay clear on the things you want to do, and whoever it is that makes you excited to want to go and do the things.

This extends to surrounding yourself with things that lift you up, not drag you down or cause you to lose focus. Watch inspiring movies, listen to inspiring, upbeat music, and spend time with people who want you to succeed.

• Constant learning and self-development

There are always ways to improve in every single area of your life.

Atomic Habits by James Clear taught me that lots of tiny improvements add up to bigger ones.

If you want to write a book: read lots of books, listen to podcasts by other authors, sign up for other author newsletters, watch grammar videos on YouTube, yes to all of the book-related things, sure. But...

Improving in other areas of your life will also help you do the thing (in this case, write the book). Improvements for you may come in the form of eating better, going to bed earlier, exercising, learning another language, meditating, trying a martial art. You know what you can improve on. Whatever it is that moves you forward as a person, will help you to do all the things, too. It's a domino effect.

• Trying new things

Want to do a thing that you haven't been able to do, yet?

Try it another way.

Want to write a book? Try verbal dictation, try spending a few hours with your laptop in the library, try writing in a coffee shop, try writing in the car, try handwriting in a notebook, try dot points then flesh it out, try plotting, try pantsing, try getting up early and doing it first thing, try writing in bed at night. Try writing a different genre, try writing it as a serial and release one chapter at a time on Wattpad.

If one thing hasn't worked, try another thing, or try another way.

If you are constantly learning and surrounding yourself with the right inspiration, then you will likely get ideas to try.

• Just do it

This is the dot point that nobody wants to read. It should also be #1, but I already had a #1. That's okay though, because I spoke about it even before #1. So, here it is again, in my un-numbered list.

If you want to do the thing. Just go and do the thing.

Or, you could make excuses.

Baby steps, remember? If you write 50 words a day, you will have a 50,000 word book in less than 3 years (if that's your thing). Bonza, mate!

• Look after yourself

If you don't look after yourself then you will never get the thing done. Either you won't start, or you'll burn out.

Make time for self-care. Mental health matters.

Focus on the positives, celebrate your wins, put time limits on your wallowing, and do what is right for you at the time - this will change depending on your season of life and what is going on inside your head. That is okay. You are exactly where you are meant to be, learning the things that you are meant to learn.

Now, go forth and do the things.

Now.

No, really.

Go. Do it.

Much love,

Marley x

10 Secrets You Need to Know to Become an Avid Reader

You don't need to find extra time, spend up big, lock yourself in the bathroom, or be super smart. Read on to find out 10 easy ways to incorporate more reading into your life and reap the benefits!

I never used to be much of a reader.

I mean, I loved to read, absolutely, but I just didn't make time for it.

I now read 1-4 books each month.

How do I do it?

Read on, sweet friend, and I will tell you the 10 secrets that you need to know to become an Avid Reader...

1. Use ebooks

Yes, I do have a kindle, but before that, I just had the free kindle app on my phone.

You can get free ebook readers on any device, and there are a bunch of them out there. This means that you are able to make use of every single tiny little snippet of time throughout your day, because you always have a device on you, right?

• Snuggling with your kid on the couch while they watch that show for the zillionth time. Read.

• Waiting. So much waiting. Read. Read in waiting rooms, in the car, at the playground, school pickups, waiting for the kettle to boil. You name it. Read.

• On the toilet. Yep. I said it. Pooping gets boring. Read.

There are a heap of free ebooks that you can read on your free ebook readers, or, you can pay for them and download pretty much any book in the entire universe. Okay. Cool. Moving on.

2. Read whatever interests you

I used to try to read classic literature and what I thought I should be reading.

I wanted to make my way through the 'Top 100 Books You Should Read Before You Die' lists and tried to force myself to persist with books that I did not enjoy.

Bleh. No.

READ WHATEVER YOU WANT! - It's still reading.

Epic fantasy, almanacs, magazines, self-help books, Christian fiction, novellas, poetry, erotica, graphic novels, religious texts, travel books, memoirs, biographies, choose your own adventure.

Whatever you enjoy, read that.

Now, let me get all controversial here for a minute. Are you ready...

Audiobooks count as reading, too! So much so that Imma make that my next point.

3. Use Audiobooks

Allow me to repeat myself. Listening to audiobooks counts.

That way you can read while you do all the things; dishes, ironing, vacuuming, walking, driving, painting, putting on your makeup, making the bed, and gardening. Ultimo multitasker!

Yes, you can use a paid subscription service like Audible, but you can also get them for free in places like the Libby app (discussed in the next point), Spotify, and even YouTube (and probably a gazillion other places that you can find with a quick Google search).

4. Use your library

The library is free. Free is good. You can read more if you don't have to pay for every book.

If yours is like mine, then it is connected to a network of libraries and you can go online, check out their catalogue, and request to borrow a book that is in any of the libraries in the network.

They also have ebooks, audiobooks, and online magazine subscriptions. Oh! and groups that you could join, and activities for the kids during school holidays. The list goes on.

Libraries are absolute gold.

Chat with your library, and check out the Libby app (through which you can borrow ebooks and audiobooks), to see what you can get your hands (and ears) on.

5. Join a discussion group (like a book club or a Facebook page)

I used to be a member of a book club.

We ate snacks and I made a lifelong friend (Hi, Jill!)

We talked about books... Sometimes we didn't.

I got to hear lots of different opinions and interpretations, and we had some great discussions. I also got to read a lot of different things that I wouldn't usually have chosen, and it helped keep me on track. I was given a book, and a deadline, which sometimes I didn't meet, but that was okay too.

This may not work for some, it that's you, then maybe joining some book-related Facebook pages might be more your thing.

I am a member of a whole heap of different book-related Facebook pages, like:

• Bitchy Bookworms

• Book Lovers Cafe

• Book Recommendations

• Bookaholics,

and a bunch of others. Okay, I admit, I am mostly a lurker, but I find out about A LOT of amazing books by reading what people say on these pages.

If you're less of a wallflower and like to participate, then you can get as involved as you wish - ask questions, seek/add recommendations, participate in group discussions about certain books, etc.

A Facebook group might be just the thing to help you discover new books and inspire you to read, too.

6. Set a goal and keep track

How many books do you want to read? By when?

Set a goal and start a list somewhere.

Use a reading tracker, (like my free printable reading book tracker bookmark, or another free printable. Google: printable reading tracker for adults and check out the many on offer).

I have set myself the goal of reading 50 books by the end of the year and am keeping track of my goal and my progress on Goodreads.

This leads me to my next point...

7. Use Goodreads

Goodreads is the #1 place to go to find out more about a book.

It is also a community.

You can read blurbs and reviews, check out ratings, leave your own reviews, vote for books, and keep track of your own reading by adding books to 'Want to Read', 'Currently Reading', and 'Read' lists.

You can get involved in discussions, and once you get some friends, you get to see what they are reading too!

Honestly, Goodreads rocks.

How often do you think 'I'm going to read that', only to forget all about it, then you get in a bookstore/library and are standing there staring at the overwhelming amount of choices thinking 'Where do I start?'.

Add books to your 'Want to Read' list IMMEDIATELY and never have those problems again. Voila!

8. Use pretty stationary and/or a reading journal

Handpainted bookmarks, coloured tabs and highlighters. Whatever you like. Load yourself up on all the cool notebooks and stationary and get as creative as you like. Take notes, draw pictures, whatever floats your boat.

Fun.

9. Try different things

This point goes hand in hand with #2 - Read what you want.

Do you actually know what you want? Do you know what you love to read?

Try everything out! Never read a graphic novel before? Try borrowing one from the library.

Never listened to an audiobook?

Never tried reading a young adult dystopian science fiction novel?

Never read a book that is a '𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨-𝘰𝘧-𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘊𝘭𝘦𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘶𝘱 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘥𝘺𝘴𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘰𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘣𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺 𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘬, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘊𝘭𝘦𝘰’𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵' (um, just like THIS ONE)?

Try it!

You might just find your next favourite thing.

10. Make it a date!

A date with yourself.

Pour a glass of wine or make yourself a hot cocoa, get a block of chocolate, and a warm fluffy blanket, and settle in with that hunky spunky shape-shifting bad boy love interest that gets introduced in the third chapter.

Read in the bath, or in bed, or outside on the porch, or on the train. Make it special, and think of it as time for you.

Read what you love, in a way that you love, and enjoy. Reading is the best. You will find your groove, and it will probably be different from mine, or your friend's, or Jenny Powell's.

Who cares.

There is no wrong way to read and no wrong thing to read.

You do you.

Much love,

Marley x