How do you celebrate the little wins?

I’ve read it time and time again in the many self-development books I've devoured: 'Celebrate the little wins'. The question is... HOW?

It really is too easy to let the little wins slip away unacknowledged. You get some good news, yay, now time to cook dinner.

Last weekend, I was tired and couldn’t be bothered doing anything, but instead of doing nothing, I took my kids to the local Christmas carols. For me, this was a little win. I needed, as Gretchen Rubin would say, ‘a gold star’. A pat on the back for a well-done job to celebrate my little parenting win.

So, how do I acknowledge that and truly celebrate my little wins?

Here are some ideas:

Me and my twinnies at our local Christmas carols

• Create a VISUAL reminder -

  • A photograph

  • A sticky note on the wall

  • A few words on a homemade poster

  • A folded up piece of paper or icypole stick in a memory jar

  • A tick on a goal sheet

    
    

Then, leave it/them up so that you can see all of your wins together.

This could be an especially helpful reminder, when things aren't quite going in a winning way, that you are still a winner.

This is what I chose to do at the carols. I got one of my older children to take a photo of me and my two youngest children (then I sent the photo to my husband). I can now look back at that time I took my kids, solo, to the local carols (parenting win!).

• Acknowledge it out loud - An AUDIBLE reminder

  • Call and tell someone

  • Run around the house, preferably whooping and squealing

  • Send up prayer of thanks to The Big Guy

  • Verbalise your win, even if you just say to yourself, "Good job, Mumma!"

    
    

• Write it down - It could be in a journal that you keep, or a running diary of entries that list your wins, losses, learning and observations.

  Use this to refer back to so that you can continue to learn and grow.

  
  

• Reward yourself - This is one of the most popular options. It doesn't have to cost money, but it could. Perhaps you could:

  • Buy yourself a coffee at the little cafe down the road

  • Buy yourself little gift, like a bunch of flowers, or a new pen, or

  • Eat a cookie

  • Have a bath

  • Listen to your favourite song

  • Paint your nails

    
    

Do something that will make you feel good and remind you of your win.

• Rest in the moment - THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!

  Stop.

  Breathe.

  Think on it.

  Make time to rest in the winning moment.

  Savour it. You did it. Well done.

  No need to immediately keep doing. Tonight's dinner can wait for a minute. Step outside, gaze up at the sky, and give yourself a moment to celebrate, just you and your temporarily unencombered mind. Mentally give yourself your own gold star.

You may remember a blog post that I wrote a little while ago, titled 'Seeking Validation' (If not, you can find it HERE). In this blog post, I wrote about needing trumpets, fanfare and praise for my achievements. Now, here's a thought that I've had since then...

Why should I need to rely on other people to celebrate my wins for me? Why can't I just do it myself?!

Hallelujah! She has seen the light!

I don't need external validation and celebration if I'm giving it to myself.

So, now I'm going to put in extra effort to celebrate my own wins and keep a permanent record to remind myself of just how darn awesome I can be!

I encourage you to do the same. Let's be awesome together.

Much love,

Marley

Seeking Validation

I recently received some happy work-related news that made me feel excited and proud. You'd think that would have been enough for me, right? Those feelings of achievement. Isn't the payoff in the good news and the pride and excitement?

Not entirely. For me, anyway.

I told my husband. He doesn't get outwardly excited about much (unless it's Collingwood winning a premiership, but that's another story). He gave me a "That's great, honey. I'm proud of you. Well done!"

Tell me I look pretty

... AND??!!!

Why was that not enough for me? Why did I want trumpets and fanfare, perhaps a bunch of flowers, or dinner out, and more praise, more, more, MORE!!!

I told one of my daughters and she barely looked up from her phone. Afterward, I stood staring out of my bedroom window wanting to call people and tell them my news, but I didn't, because I was pretty sure that they would say something similar to what my husband said (except not call me 'honey' and possibly with slightly more enthusiasm in their tone)... and that wouldn't have been what I was searching for. WHAT WAS I SEARCHING FOR??

Do you know? I do.

I was looking for VALIDATION.

Dictionary.com defines validation as:

the act of affirming a person, or their ideas, feelings, actions, etc., as acceptable and worthy:

ACCEPTABLE (Pleasing/Approval) and WORTHY (Deserving).

What does that mean? Well, it's one thing to win, but it's another thing to have other people see you win, approve of the win, and deem you a worthy winner.

You can draw a good picture and feel proud. You can win a drawing competition and be happy and proud. But, would you feel WORTHY if nobody else affirmed that it was a good picture and that you were a worthy winner? You can get top marks in the class, but do they mean as much if you don't have people saying that you worked hard and earned it?

No, I don't think they do. The top mark and good picture are not enough on their own. The results are not enough on their own. We need validation. We need to know that we are worthy winners and deserving of our success. Otherwise it could just be an error or plain old good luck.

It sounds almost narcissistic, right? Like, why isn't the good result enough on its own? Why do I need other people to pat me on the back and pump up my tires? Why isn't my husband telling me that he's proud of me ENOUGH?

Well, this goes deeper, doesn't it?

The truth is, if I KNEW that I was worthy and enough, and truly BELIEVED it, then the result (the picture/the top marks/the good news) WOULD be enough on its own. I wouldn't need the trumpets and flowers. I wouldn't need other people to tell me I deserved the win.

If I truly believed that I was WORTHY of the success, then I wouldn't need other people to tell me that I was worthy.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Well, maybe some of you. We are tribal creatures. We need other people. We need to share in one another's successes. We are designed for communication and relationships with one another. And, I am going to tell you that you are 100% CORRECT. We do and we are. But, if you're like me, you can tell the difference. You know when you want to tell people something to share the joy... or to gain further validation. You know, don't you.

Now, with some distance, I can see that if I had told people, whatever their reactions, they would not have been enough. If I had posted it on social media and received even more positive reactions, that wouldn't have been enough for me either. Sure, it probably would have felt good for a while, but I would end up exactly where normal is for me: Questioning my worthiness and feeling very far from a success.

I could keep getting good news, top marks, and win competitions every day. I could tell everyone all about it, share everything on socials, and get mounds of praise and back-patting... BUT IT WOULD STILL NOT FEEL ENOUGH.

Asking or thanking? We decide.

This is work that needs to be done in the heart.

I need to continually remind myself that I AM ENOUGH and I AM WORTHY. Good things happen because I deserve them. And, I need to learn how to deem myself 'acceptable'.

The older I get, the more I learn that my feelings are not me. If I can feel the fear and do things anyway knowing that the fear is there for a purpose - to keep me safe - then I can feel the doubts about my abilities and my worthiness and keep doing things and believing in myself anyway. I can remind myself that my feelings are not reality.

I don't need people to tell me that I am acceptable and worthy, and I don't need to FEEL acceptable or worthy. It doesn't matter what people think or say, and it doesn't matter how I FEEL. I am acceptable and worthy anyway, just because I am. Because I am a child of God, because I am human, and just because I exist... And you are the same.

Is this a reminder that you need? Do you need to remember that your feelings are not reality? Do I need to remind you that you are ENOUGH, that you are WORTHY, that you are DESERVING and ACCEPTED as you are?

Because you are.

My prayer for you is that you wish to share your good news because you wish to share your joy with your people, and not because you need validation.

Allow me to be your validator.

You are freakin' awesome! You are an amazing human and I am proud of you. You are deserving of every wonderful thing that happens to and for you. Go you!

YOU ARE WORTHY

YOU ARE DESERVING

YOU ARE ACCEPTED

And

YOU ARE ENOUGH

I love you, sweet reader friend. Let's keep being brilliant!

Love, Marley

My Heart Lies in the Forest

As a child, I loved the beach. I was soothed by the sound of waves lapping on the sand. I enjoyed the feeling of space, the muted colours, the horizon view, and the sea air.

Then, I moved to East Gippsland.

Now, you will find me longing to be among the trees, in the Australian bush and forest.

My heart lies in the forest.

As I gave birth to our third daughter, I visualised laying in a bed of moss on the forest floor, nestled between the roots of an old gum tree. I smelled the damp earth, heard the birds singing, and felt the dappled sunlight shining through the branches and dancing on my face and body.

Not my heart forest...

This, is my forest.

Here, I am safely held by Mother Earth.

We vibrate at the same frequency.

The ocean is free. It is clean and pure. It is constantly moving and frolicks with reckless abandon. A nice space to visit and let go of woe, but not where I choose to dwell. In my heart, curled fern fronds hold me tight, simultaneously offering me love, strength, and comfort, while representing new growth. A continuation of self, expanding and thriving.

but you get the idea

My heartbeat powers a stream that trickles over rocks and carries along fallen leaves, muddying the place where a stick stubbornly refuses to move, digging itself into the soil. Yet still, the stream trickles, dislodging it by an endless flow without urgency or defeat. It uses the collected leaves to gather and push the stick from its place, clearing the flow, and restoring perfect order to my heart forest.

There are neverending pockets of wonder, new life, beauty, and magic. The space communicates around me and with me, whispering secret affirmations of love.

Here, I am held by God.

The artwork of trees

The forest has given me fairy homes, platypus sightings, bark cubbies, blinking koalas, stargazing nights, spiders living in pieces of art, and trees displaying their own creations on the girth of their trunks. It has given me picnic days, goanna explorations, secret paths, rock climbs with breathtaking views, and a trillion different shades of green.

This is my love letter to the forest.

It is there where you will find my heart.

Love, Marley

P.S. My novella, You Are Viggy, was strongly inspired by my time living in small-town East Gippsland and exploring the surrounding bush and forest areas.

You can buy this book for less than $1 AUD or read it for free if you are a Kindle Unlimited subscriber.

My free novella, The Silver Maid, was set in the East Gippy town in which we used to live. I changed the name of the town (a bit) but if you're an Aussie, then I think you can work it out ;)

Happy reading! xx