The Reality of Parenting Twin Preschoolers

Parenting twin preschoolers is NEXT LEVEL! How? Let me tell you (and maybe whinge just a little bit).

• Double the work This is the no-brainer. Of course it is double the work. Two bodies to bathe, dry, and dress. Two mouths to feed and sets of teeth to brush. Two bags to pack. At story time, they are NEVER going to want to have the same book read. At lunchtime, they will rarely want the same thing to eat. My twins even have differing toothbrush and paste preferences: Twin A gets the orange toothbrush and Spiderman toothpaste, while Twin B gets the white toothbrush and the white toothpaste. Ya get me? No cut and paste over here. One twin will want you to draw a picture of a crocodile, while the other will want a flower on Godzilla. It is absolutely twice the work!

• They feed off each other If one is being loud and crazy, then the other is bound to get loud and crazy too. If one is tired and wants to go to sleep and the other doesn't, you bet that the twin who doesn't want to sleep is going to stir up the twin that does so that you have two hyperactive little bodies that ain't gonna sleep any time soon and double grumpy tomorrow. If you're out and one starts misbehaving, the other will take their twin's cue and start misbehaving too, because, hey, why not? Yep. I hate to say it. Man, I reeeeally don't want to. It's killing me. I'm trying to hold it in.... Must... Not... Say... Double trouble. Darn. Yeah. That.

• They seek one another's approval and less of anyone else's If a single baby doesn't get your approval, they might not like that. If you show them that you're disappointed, or tell them that what they're doing is not making you happy, they might respond to that. But twins? It might slow them down for a tiny wee little miniscule moment, but then when they turn around and see the support and approval in the face of their twin, well, your disapproval doesn't seem very important all of a sudden. So what if you don't like me throwing food on the floor, my twin thinks I'm hilarious!

My boys really are the best

• No downtime With one child, you might find some snippets of time to yourself. Perhaps, a moment while they nap, watch a television show, or do some colouring. With twins, you can bet that if one is settled in front of the television, the other wants you to make them a sandwich and build them a tower. There is RARELY any downtime. No weeing in peace, no conversations with friends, no slow sips of coffee in the morning to wake you up while they stare at cartoons. None of that. Go. From the moment you open your eyes until the moment you close them again. And even then, a twin will probably wake you in the night because they had a bad dream or need to wee and want you to go with them.

• The fighting Oh em gee. If you know, you know. Twins FIGHT. Well, my boys do, I can't tell you if twin girls do too. Now, I'm not talking about a squabble over the blue texta or one pushing over the other in the sandpit here, I'm talking about a full-on WWE-style smackdown. Throwing chairs across heads, bodyslamming, scratching, chokeholding, punching, climbing up on ladders to jump off elbow-first and cleave skulls open with olecranons. All in a day.

• Toilet training Do I really need to expand on this one? Yeah, it could just be a part of the first point: Double the work, but I really feel like this needs a point of it's own. I've earned this point lol.

• Cost I bet you think that twin parents get deals and discounts. Most of the time, we don't. Extra nappies, groceries, photo packages, extracurricular activity fees, uniforms etc - and we're not even at school yet! I just know that this is going to get worse. The one thing I feel we can get away with less than double of, is toys (for now), and recently, we have an increased childcare subsidy for Twin B (which is a blessing and what made it worth me returning to work).

• You've got your hands full Ugh. Another thing that people like to point out regularly. It used to bug me so much. They mean that you look busy, but the thing with twins is that you literally have your hands full. Like, holding the hand of each twin leaves you with no hands to press the button on the pole to cross the road, or unlock the car, or pay for the groceries. And if you let go of a hand, then you can guarantee that one or both twins will be off like a shot. Gone. And then you have to yell. Or run. Neither are fun.

• It's harder to get them looked after With two children who require constant vigilance and attention, it is much harder to find someone willing and able to watch them while you do anything. It feels like a big ask of anyone.

• Non-stop noise They don't seem to care if their twin is already speaking, they will just talk louder and you will need to adapt to having two completely separate conversations at exactly the same time. Then, when they've finished speaking at you, they will go off and do loud things so that every single ounce of space is taken up with sound of some sort.

• The touching Add the touching to the noise, multiple conversations, fighting, dressing, climbing, pulling, screaming, playing, and draining, and you will likely end up with way too much sensory input and your head might just explode.

Yeah. Parenting twin preschoolers is EXHAUSTING, but, despite my sooking, I know that I am hugely, amazingly, and incredibly blessed. My boys are besties (and worsties) and I have the absolute joy of watching them grow and play together. When I pick them up from kinder, I have two gorgeous little humans running towards me to fling their arms around my neck and pass me artwork that they have done (we need a bigger fridge lol). I get multiple flowers picked for me when we go for walks. I get to see two very different and amazing minds approach the same thing in two unique ways. My twins share clothing and play well together with other children, while I get to lap up praise and admiration from other mothers who say "I don't know how you do it!" You know what? I don't know either. This shit is HARD, but the rewards are infinite (and hopefully when I'm old, someone will come and visit me lol).

I will always admire parents of higher-order multiples. I am certain they must be superhumans, or aliens.

Much love,

Marley x

P.S. My twinnies are the best.

5 Tips for Surviving Parenthood

Here are 5 tips for surviving the rewarding yet soul-sucking chore cough ahem, role and blessing, that is parenthood.

My face looks like this most of the time

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world and you ain't gonna convince me otherwise.

I don't feel the need to balance out my complaints and lamentations with attestations of how much I adore my little soul-suckers. I feel bigly and passionately about ALL things.

Fact: Parenthood is hard.

What parent hasn't seriously considered separating from their significant other so they don't have their children 100% of the time, or hoped they might get a serious illness so they could go to the hospital for a week-long break...

Except maybe my builder's kid.

My builder came to work on my kitchen saying that he was tired because his 18-month-old grandchild hadn't been sleeping. They were looking after their grandchildren while the parents were on an overseas holiday for a week.

If you are the type of parent who gets to go overseas for a week-long holiday while your children are happily being cared for by their grandparents, then I'm guessing you might have more trouble relating to the need to get a divorce or serious illness to have a break.

So, I feel like this is a good place to start my 5 Ways to Survive Parenthood:

1. Have children with someone whose parents are happy to look after their grandchildren for a week (or more) while you go on an overseas holiday.

Hahahaha. Okay, maybe not. Let's try this again. Take 2.

5 Tips for Surviving Parenthood:

1. Be honest. Be honest with yourself, be honest with other people, and be honest with your kids. Tell them how you feel. Telling your kids that you're pissed off and need space is not a bad thing. Telling your friend that your kids are driving you bonkers and you're exhausted is not a bad thing. Telling yourself that you are currently hating one aspect of parenthood is not a bad thing. Talking about it does help. Being real with yourself also helps. Parenthood is not all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes, just the sight of your little one's cherubic, adorable little, long-lashed face makes you want to give them the middle finger and lock a door. You are perfectly normal. Don't bottle it up. Talking about it helps other mothers feel normal too. It benefits everyone. Be honest.

2. Remind yourself that it is a bad moment/day/week/month/year and not a bad lifetime. This too shall pass. Your little arsehole will not be at this exact level of arseholeness forever. They might get worse, but one day they will probably grow up and move out.

3. Take the moments you are offered. Don't be a martyr or fear that the time away from your children will do them harm. They are not going to start believing that you don't care about them or aren't there for them. Take the time that you are offered. If someone tells you to go and do something for yourself, do it! Have a bath. Go for a walk. Go to bed early. Go on that week-long vacation - You're still a freakin' awesome parent. Actually, you're a better one when the kids get the best parts of you and not the exhausted, angry, resentful, messy leftover parts of you.

4. Say yes to help. Similar to the point above, but not necessarily requiring time away from the kids. If someone offers to help you fold the washing, say yes. If someone offers to pick up and drop off your kid, say yes. Don't be a martyr. Say yes.

5. Ask for help. This is a natural progression from the above points but one that I struggle with. It's taken me years to not be a martyr, take moments, and say yes, but I still don't want to be seen as weak and need to actually ask for help... But, it's not weak. Do you think that mother who went overseas for a week had her parents ask her if they can watch their grandkids for a week while she goes overseas? The chances are unlikely. I bet she asked her parents to watch her grandkids for the week, they said yes, and she got what she needed. Be like her. Ask for help.

Now, I know that there are some of you reading this who feel like they have nobody. No one to talk to, nobody to help fold washing, or give them 20 minutes to go for a walk let alone an overnighter. I get it. I've been there too. So, here's a list for you:

5 Tips for Surviving Parenthood, Especially When You Have No Help:

2/5 turd heads *cough* I mean blessings <3

1. Escape. I read books, my husband plays video games and watches movies. These things help us to get away when we can't get away. They are an acceptable escape from reality.

2. Spend time with other people. I take my twins to a music group. It's $5 per week for both kids, they don't want to do what the facilitator wants them to do a lot of the time and nobody cares, and I get to talk to other mothers. It helps. When you feel the worst is probably when you want to spend time with other people the least. Do it anyway.

3. Use technology. There are so many websites and apps with forums and information that might help you. Research. Read about how other people manage and read other people's lamentations about the same things. You are not alone. Connect and learn in any way you can.

4. Focus on the parts that are less hard. I do not love playing games with my kids: board games, Barbies, ninja warriors. Not my thing. So, I don't do it often. I do find some pleasure in colouring, Lego, jumping on the trampoline, reading stories, and singing songs, so these are the things that I do with my children more often. Don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself. You don't need to make playdoh, play Barbies, and bake cakes with your little people to be a good parent. Parenting is hard. Even the fun things can be hard. Go easy on yourself.

5. Keep a gratitude journal. This helps me focus on the positives and things outside of myself. There are always things that we can be thankful for, sometimes it's just harder to see them. Before you go to sleep every night, sit down and try to think of 3 things that you can be grateful for. - Thank you for the beautiful daisies growing in my backyard - Thank you for my children's teachers - Thank you that I had the money to pay for that water bill - Thank you for the vegemite toast that I had for breakfast - Thank you for the warm and comfortable bed that I have to sleep in. There is always something to be grateful for.

Right now, I'm grateful for you. But, I do have one last point for everyone:

• Don't stress about the mess. Living with little people gets messy (and noisy). Sand in shoes, paint, blue-tack, ripped paper, old boxes, craft supplies, endless blanket forts, discarded cape blankets, dirty socks, shoes under tables, sticks, washed-out yogurt buckets, half-eaten apples and sandwiches, a sink full of dirty dishes, a neverending mountain of washing. This is part of life. You are not a shitty parent because your house is messy. Your kids are making memories. Let it be.

Now, I better go and stop my little energy suckers from destroying something or beating each other up. Wish me luck, fellow comrades.

Much love,

Marley x

What's on my Bedside TBR (To Be Read) and Why

My bedside table pile is getting a little out of hand and has spilled over onto the floor. Here is a list of books I have on my bedside TBR and how they ended up there (don't get me started on the bookshelf!).

My growing TBR (there are more in my bookcase)

First, let's get real here. I took the photo at an odd angle so you don't see the messy bed, pile of shoes, and other crap I've got lying around. There was a mirror in that gap between the bedside table and the wall and I moved it to vacuum behind it. That's as far as I got. The mirror is now in front of my wardrobe, the space is still unvacuumed, and now there are books in the way... I really should get out the vacuum cleaner lol.

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to go through some of the books that I have on my TBR and how they got there. Some have been sitting there for quite a while, and some are new additions - Let's do it!

• The Lady's Mine - Francine Rivers I read and really enjoyed Redeeming Love last year, so a beautiful friend of mine gifted me this Francine Rivers book for my birthday. I don't know anything about it, I can't even remember what the blurb says, but I am looking forward to reading it.

• The Poisonwood Bible - Barbara Kingsolver This is the story of a preacher's family moving to Africa in the late 1950s. I am probably a quarter of the way through this hefty tome, but I stopped reading it before Christmas. I was enjoying it, but I had books from the library that I prioritised because they have due dates and this one doesn't, and I haven't gone back to it... yet. I will though.

• The Red Tent - Anita Diamant I picked this book up from an opp shop because I know that it is a bestselling must-read for women and I think it has something to do with periods. Yeah, that's all I know. I was actually really excited to find it and am looking forward to getting around to reading this one. Eventually.
  

Two similarly-coloured books I will definitely get around to reading!

• Travelling Mercies - Anne Lamott I absolutely LOVED Anne's book Bird by Bird but haven't read anything else that she has written. I picked this one up at a book fair simply because it was written by Anne Lamott.

• Lazarus is Dead - Richard Beard I had a go at writing my own retelling/reinterpretation of the biblical story of Eve and picked this book up because it is trying to do the same sort of thing with the story of Lazarus. I am interested to see how this author deals with a biblical retelling. Not sure if I'm comforted by the fact that reviews for this book are mixed. I'm thinking that I might be biting off more than I can chew by attempting any biblical retellings (I'll be writing more about my experience in my next newsletter).

• Truly, Madly, Guilty - Liane Moriarty I enjoyed reading Nine Perfect Strangers a couple of years ago and picked this book up because it is written by the same author. (Worth noting that I did NOT love the Nine Perfect Strangers TV series. I might've if I hadn't read the book first though lol). No idea what this book is about. Looks like crime or mystery, which I don't usually read, but for a couple of bucks, I couldn't pass it by.

• Love in English - Maria E Andreu When I paid for this book the lady told me that it was a children's book, which has perplexed me ever since. It is not. It seems to be a love story that deals with learning English and attempting to understand the meaning of the words we use and misuse. I must confess that it was the colourful cover that drew me in.

• Phosphorescence - Julia Baird I started listening to this book on Audible but wasn't enjoying it. I thought it would be better to read on paper, so I snatched it up when I saw it and am hoping that I love it more when I get to read it myself. This book has also been fairly popular and has a pretty cover that lured me in. It combines two of my favourite things: nature and personal development, so I really think that I should love this one.

• Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte I want to read more classics. It has over 2 MILLION ratings on Goodreads and the majority are 5-stars. Now that is a solid book that I can learn from.

• The Patterson Girls - Rachael Johns I follow Rachael on socials. She is an Aussie author who does things right! I look up to her, her realness, and her solid reader base. I borrowed The Work Wives from the library last year with a bunch of other books and didn't get around to reading it before it was due back. I've been meaning to read a Rachael Johns book for a while. Can't wait to delve into this contemporary Aussie romance (a genre that Rachael is well known for dominating).

• The Pilgrim's Progress - John Bunyan I read this about 20 years ago. I thought that I remembered enjoying it, so I borrowed it from the library. I was wrong. It's not an easy read for me. I'm about halfway through and have already had one renewal. I am almost certain that I am going to abandon this one and it will end up as a DNF (did not finish).

• The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho (The graphic novel version) This was a Christmas gift so it's been sitting there for a few months now. I read the non-graphic novel version of The Alchemist with Miss 12 last year, so I keep putting this one off. Occasionally I pick it up and read a few pages, but I try to get through it too quick and end up trying to read it like a novel and not look at the pictures, so I'll keep pushing it aside until I feel like I have the time to give it the attention that it needs.

There you have it. For those with keen eyes, there are a few others in the piles - one of mine that I need to edit, and a handful of non-fiction, but this lot will keep me going for quite a while (plus the two I have on hold from the library).

So many good books and such little time to read them.

What's on your TBR?

Love, Marley x