5 Tips for Surviving Parenthood

Here are 5 tips for surviving the rewarding yet soul-sucking chore cough ahem, role and blessing, that is parenthood.

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world and you ain't gonna convince me otherwise.

I don't feel the need to balance out my complaints and lamentations with attestations of how much I adore my little soul-suckers. I feel bigly and passionately about ALL things.

Fact: Parenthood is hard.

What parent hasn't seriously considered separating from their significant other so they don't have their children 100% of the time, or hoped they might get a serious illness so they could go to the hospital for a week-long break...

Except maybe my builder's kid.

My builder came to work on my kitchen saying that he was tired because his 18-month-old grandchild hadn't been sleeping. They were looking after their grandchildren while the parents were on an overseas holiday for a week.

If you are the type of parent who gets to go overseas for a week-long holiday while your children are happily being cared for by their grandparents, then I'm guessing you might have more trouble relating to the need to get a divorce or serious illness to have a break.

So, I feel like this is a good place to start my 5 Ways to Survive Parenthood:

1. Have children with someone whose parents are happy to look after their grandchildren for a week (or more) while you go on an overseas holiday.

Hahahaha. Okay, maybe not. Let's try this again. Take 2.

5 Tips for Surviving Parenthood:

1. Be honest. Be honest with yourself, be honest with other people, and be honest with your kids. Tell them how you feel. Telling your kids that you're pissed off and need space is not a bad thing. Telling your friend that your kids are driving you bonkers and you're exhausted is not a bad thing. Telling yourself that you are currently hating one aspect of parenthood is not a bad thing. Talking about it does help. Being real with yourself also helps. Parenthood is not all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes, just the sight of your little one's cherubic, adorable little, long-lashed face makes you want to give them the middle finger and lock a door. You are perfectly normal. Don't bottle it up. Talking about it helps other mothers feel normal too. It benefits everyone. Be honest.

2. Remind yourself that it is a bad moment/day/week/month/year and not a bad lifetime. This too shall pass. Your little arsehole will not be at this exact level of arseholeness forever. They might get worse, but one day they will probably grow up and move out.

3. Take the moments you are offered. Don't be a martyr or fear that the time away from your children will do them harm. They are not going to start believing that you don't care about them or aren't there for them. Take the time that you are offered. If someone tells you to go and do something for yourself, do it! Have a bath. Go for a walk. Go to bed early. Go on that week-long vacation - You're still a freakin' awesome parent. Actually, you're a better one when the kids get the best parts of you and not the exhausted, angry, resentful, messy leftover parts of you.

4. Say yes to help. Similar to the point above, but not necessarily requiring time away from the kids. If someone offers to help you fold the washing, say yes. If someone offers to pick up and drop off your kid, say yes. Don't be a martyr. Say yes.

5. Ask for help. This is a natural progression from the above points but one that I struggle with. It's taken me years to not be a martyr, take moments, and say yes, but I still don't want to be seen as weak and need to actually ask for help... But, it's not weak. Do you think that mother who went overseas for a week had her parents ask her if they can watch their grandkids for a week while she goes overseas? The chances are unlikely. I bet she asked her parents to watch her grandkids for the week, they said yes, and she got what she needed. Be like her. Ask for help.

Now, I know that there are some of you reading this who feel like they have nobody. No one to talk to, nobody to help fold washing, or give them 20 minutes to go for a walk let alone an overnighter. I get it. I've been there too. So, here's a list for you:

5 Tips for Surviving Parenthood, Especially When You Have No Help:

1. Escape. I read books, my husband plays video games and watches movies. These things help us to get away when we can't get away. They are an acceptable escape from reality.

2. Spend time with other people. I take my twins to a music group. It's $5 per week for both kids, they don't want to do what the facilitator wants them to do a lot of the time and nobody cares, and I get to talk to other mothers. It helps. When you feel the worst is probably when you want to spend time with other people the least. Do it anyway.

3. Use technology. There are so many websites and apps with forums and information that might help you. Research. Read about how other people manage and read other people's lamentations about the same things. You are not alone. Connect and learn in any way you can.

4. Focus on the parts that are less hard. I do not love playing games with my kids: board games, Barbies, ninja warriors. Not my thing. So, I don't do it often. I do find some pleasure in colouring, Lego, jumping on the trampoline, reading stories, and singing songs, so these are the things that I do with my children more often. Don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself. You don't need to make playdoh, play Barbies, and bake cakes with your little people to be a good parent. Parenting is hard. Even the fun things can be hard. Go easy on yourself.

5. Keep a gratitude journal. This helps me focus on the positives and things outside of myself. There are always things that we can be thankful for, sometimes it's just harder to see them. Before you go to sleep every night, sit down and try to think of 3 things that you can be grateful for. - Thank you for the beautiful daisies growing in my backyard - Thank you for my children's teachers - Thank you that I had the money to pay for that water bill - Thank you for the vegemite toast that I had for breakfast - Thank you for the warm and comfortable bed that I have to sleep in. There is always something to be grateful for.

Right now, I'm grateful for you. But, I do have one last point for everyone:

• Don't stress about the mess. Living with little people gets messy (and noisy). Sand in shoes, paint, blue-tack, ripped paper, old boxes, craft supplies, endless blanket forts, discarded cape blankets, dirty socks, shoes under tables, sticks, washed-out yogurt buckets, half-eaten apples and sandwiches, a sink full of dirty dishes, a neverending mountain of washing. This is part of life. You are not a shitty parent because your house is messy. Your kids are making memories. Let it be.

Now, I better go and stop my little energy suckers from destroying something or beating each other up. Wish me luck, fellow comrades.

Much love,

Marley x