It's hard to feel good about your life when your body is sagging and you know that one day, nobody will even remember you existed. Is it time for a mid-life crisis now? How about a mid-life reassessment instead.
I must confess to being one of those people who is always looking forward. You know,
"When the twins are at school,"
"When I can write full-time,"
"When our mortgage is paid off,"
"When {fill-in-the-blank}"...
It's not like I'm an "I'll be happy when..." sort of person, but I never felt comfortable just settling into wherever I'm at.
Sometime last year, it struck me that I am no longer young. I am turning 40. I have grey hairs and wrinkles. I no longer get mistaken for being in my 20s or asked for ID on the super rare occasion that I buy alcohol.
I got a sense that my time was running out, my body could no longer do the things that it used to be able to do, and I was not where I wanted to be.
I will not be alive forever, and people will not always remember who I am.
One day I will die and some years down the track, nobody will even know that I existed.
Bummer.
What a downer.
First, there was a sense of panic. Then a sense of hopelessness.
But... I have spent a lot of time thinking, and a book that I read recently* prompted me to ask myself: What would 14-year-old me think of where I am at right now?
Where I live, my family, my job. How I spend my time, my friendships, my personality, my routines.
Think about it honestly. If 14-year-old you was meeting you right now, what would they think about you? Don't bring 30-40-50/whatever-year-old you into your thinking. 14-year-old you doesn't know about your missed opportunities, your heartaches, your goals, your struggles. 14-year-old you is just sitting down to meet you with no other knowledge of your life between now and then. And you tell you about your life right now.
I am married.
Wow! Someone loves you?
Yep, I know, crazy, right? And guess what? I love them, too.
So you're happy?
Absolutely. And we have 5 children.
5! What the?!
Yep. 3 girls, 2 boys.
I'm a mum!
I can imagine that I would blow my own mind just with that information. But if I keep thinking about it, 14-year-old me would be so happy to hear about my life right now.
You write books! Does anyone actually read them?
Some people do, yeah. People all over the world.
14-year-old mind blown again.
Honestly, this exercise makes me so happy. I would be so chuffed to know that this is what is in store for me. I know that I would quite happily take this life again, even if I were offered others.
To 14-year-old me, my dreams have already come true.
I mean, I have even shaken Taylor Hanson's hand!
14-year-old me: *dies*
I don't know if this exercise will help you. Maybe it will, maybe not, but it has certainly helped me.
Maybe young you has some tips for older you?
What does 14-year-old you think about you right now?
Love, at 40 - Marley x
*I think the book that spoke about this exercise was Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist, but I cannot be 100% certain. I borrowed it from the library, so I couldn't mark it. This is why I started keeping a reading journal. Might have to find it again...
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